The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Some time ago, a close friend of mine alerted me to the four horsemen of the apocalypse. He explained how this is used as a metaphor in team dynamics. Four communication styles kill relationships and effective teamwork: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

How interesting. I love a good metaphor in my coaching because they tend to be remembered by my clients. What better than the apocalypse?

Let me explain each in more detail:

Criticism – Attacking someone's character instead of addressing a specific behaviour.

• Example: "You are such a bully who never listens to anyone."

Contempt – Treating someone with disrespect, mocking, sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling.

• Example: "Can't you do anything right? said the manager while rolling his eyes."

Defensiveness – Playing the victim or making excuses instead of taking responsibility.

• Example: "It's not my fault! I work 100 hours per day, while the team at supply chain get to go home and never deliver on time."

Stonewalling – Shutting down, withdrawing, or ignoring someone during conflict. This often happens when overwhelmed.

• Example: Giving the silent treatment or walking away without explanation.

The power of this metaphor is that it provides a framework to understand some team dynamics and, perhaps more importantly, provides a common language to the team.

Want to know more about how coaching can improve personal and team performance? Give me a call or book one online.

PS1: Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist, developed the original theory.

PS2: Photo is taken in my home office. No dogs were featured this time.